Finding a Balance

I am finding that there is a very fine balance for me, coming back to blogging (for reasons I discussed in the previous post). I have to put limits on how much I read other people’s blogs, sometimes. I have to monitor my emotional responses so I can back off before things become too much. I might be able to handle things just fine, for a while, but then it gets to be too much. Or I might be in a good place to handle things one day, but the smallest things get to me, the next.

This is a very weird change for me. Usually, when I blog, I spend more time reading (and commenting on) other people’s blogs than I do writing on my own. It’s harder for me to figure out what to write about when I’m not getting ideas from other people or responding to other things I’ve read. I feel strangely disconnected.

But it’s important to maintain this balance. I think I can process things better, and generally cope better, doing it this way.

There’s a comparison to be made with how I’m trying to handle my anxiety and phobias. If I completely avoid the things that make me anxious, it makes me more anxious about those things in the long run. If I never let myself avoid the things that make me anxious, though, I may end up putting myself in a situation where I will have a bad experience that makes the anxiety even worse, or I might just over exert myself. I have to find a balance. I have to pay careful attention to how I’m handling things, so I know when it’s a good time to push myself and when I need to back off or take a break.

I think I’m getting a lot better at finding that sort of balance. But I do miss the way I didn’t have to worry about this stuff, before. It feels like more effort for less reward, now. But if I wasn’t getting something worthwhile out of blogging, I wouldn’t keep coming back to it.



One thought on “Finding a Balance

  1. Maybe it’s our constant introspection which in many cases causes pain, Alex. When people are constantly taking stock of their emotional state, it’s exhausting, not to mention contrary to their hopes of actually being happy. It’s like monitoring our happiness during a party, “Am I having a good time?”, “Is this as good a time as I could be having, perhaps there’s something I can do to enjoy myself more!” And before you know what’s hit ya, party’s over.


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