I am finding that there is a very fine balance for me, coming back to blogging (for reasons I discussed in the previous post). I have to put limits on how much I read other people’s blogs, sometimes. I have to monitor my emotional responses so I can back off before things become too much. I might be able to handle things just fine, for a while, but then it gets to be too much. Or I might be in a good place to handle things one day, but the smallest things get to me, the next.
This is a very weird change for me. Usually, when I blog, I spend more time reading (and commenting on) other people’s blogs than I do writing on my own. It’s harder for me to figure out what to write about when I’m not getting ideas from other people or responding to other things I’ve read. I feel strangely disconnected.
But it’s important to maintain this balance. I think I can process things better, and generally cope better, doing it this way.
There’s a comparison to be made with how I’m trying to handle my anxiety and phobias. If I completely avoid the things that make me anxious, it makes me more anxious about those things in the long run. If I never let myself avoid the things that make me anxious, though, I may end up putting myself in a situation where I will have a bad experience that makes the anxiety even worse, or I might just over exert myself. I have to find a balance. I have to pay careful attention to how I’m handling things, so I know when it’s a good time to push myself and when I need to back off or take a break.
I think I’m getting a lot better at finding that sort of balance. But I do miss the way I didn’t have to worry about this stuff, before. It feels like more effort for less reward, now. But if I wasn’t getting something worthwhile out of blogging, I wouldn’t keep coming back to it.