Update on Coming Out


An awesome thing happened.

My parents decided that the best thing to do on finding out that I was trans was to read some books on the subject, as well as talk to me and listen to me describe my own experience.

And somehow being trans makes it into the category of things that don’t conflict with Christianity. Although homosexuality not so much (they seem to be in the “it’s ok to be gay as long as you don’t have sex” camp). They still don’t really understand asexuality, although they want to.

They’re worried about a bunch of stuff due to being parents. They worry about my long term chances to be happy and healthy. They keep warning me not to go too fast into anything irreversible. It’s an effort to explain that I have thought things through very thoroughly (it’s new to them but not to me), and that not doing stuff has consequences too (gender dysphoria is neither fun nor healthy).

They are even starting to come around about name and pronoun stuff, and it’s looking like they’ll be supportive of my transition. It seems like they’re quickly turning into transgender allies *grin*

I almost feel guilty that I got so lucky as to have parents react to my being trans in such a great way. A friend of mine was more or less disowned by her parents for being trans.

I’m still terrified of telling my parents I’m an atheist. There is absolutely no way to square that one with their religious beliefs. I’m afraid of putting too many details on my blog. What if my parents (or someone else who knows me) find it and figure out it’s me? That actually happened to a blogger I used to read, and it ended very badly (someone who knew her in meatspace figured out it was her blog and showed some of her posts about mental health stuff to her school…). I hate feeling constrained in what I can write about. And I hate hiding bits and pieces of who I am that other people won’t approve of. But sometimes you have to hide things to keep yourself safe. It’s stupid that the world works like that, but it does.

I’d love to be totally open about being an atheist, but the timing just does not seem right. There’s enough going on right now, already, and I don’t want them to think my being trans has anything to do with my being an atheist (because it doesn’t). But will the time ever be right to basically tell my parents “I’m going to hell”? That’s how they’ll see it. I just can’t tell them without feeling incredibly guilty. And I can’t not tell them without feeling guilty, too. Argh.

This post started out all happy, now I feel grumpy again. I’m going to go play video games, now.


2 thoughts on “Update on Coming Out

  1. I’m in the opposite situation. My parents know that I’m an atheist (and damn if that didn’t cause a shitstorm), but have no clue that I’m trans* or bi*.


  2. It’s an incredibly difficult conversation to have with one’s parents. It seems yours are a bit more openminded than mine; when they found out I was an atheist and not a virgin, I was fired from the family business and shunned. Nothing feels better than finally owning who you are publicly, and I commend you for your courage and honesty! It gets better, I promise!
    it’s funny isn’t it? How its a legitimate reservation in sharing one’s atheism, with the possibility that people might assume it has ANYTHING to do with your sexuality. So, so silly!


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