It is ok

It is ok for me to be me.

It is ok for me to stand up for myself.

It is ok for me to take care of myself.

It is ok for me to insist that people use my preferred name and pronouns, even if I decide I want people to use pronouns that are ‘weird’ like ze/hir/hirs.

It is ok to be upset if someone consistently messes up my preferred name and pronouns, even though I understand that it sometimes takes people a little while to get the pronouns right for a trans person who does not ‘pass’ very well.

It is ok for me to point out that someone is not using my preferred name or pronouns. It is not a personal attack if I say “You are misgendering me. Please don’t.”

It is ok for me to ask people to use my preferred name, even if my name on paper has to be something different for legal purposes.

It is ok for me to ask people to use my preferred name, even if I am wearing a name tag that has a different name on it. Furthermore, it is ok for me to ask the staff at an event to make me a new name tag with the correct name if my current one has the wrong name on it because I didn’t realize ahead of time that there would be name tags.

It is ok if I choose to go by my non-preferred name and/or pronouns in a particular setting because of safety or privacy or other concerns. That is my choice, and it does not make me any less me.

It is ok for me to wear whatever clothes I am comfortable with wearing (as long as they pass minimum standards for particular settings, like ‘business casual’ or ‘not naked’). It is even ok if other people are not comfortable with the clothes that I am wearing. If other people cannot deal with people not fitting their expectations of gender, that is their problem, not mine.

It is ok for me to buy clothes from whichever section of the store has the clothes that I actually like.

It is ok for me to buy undergarments from the proper section of the store. I don’t need to be ashamed or try to hide what I am doing.

It is ok for me to live in student housing. I am not making any unreasonable demands for wanting to live in student housing, even if part or all of it is segregated in a way that erases my identity and makes it unclear where I should go. I am not suddenly being unfair to my female roommates if I figure out that I am actually male, in spite of having an F on legal documents and being told that I am female my entire life, and I would like both to have my real gender acknowledged and also to continue living in my home until my lease is up. I am not suddenly ‘too male’ to continue living with my current female roommates just because I cut my hair and asked people to use male pronouns for me–I am still entirely legally female and very early in transition and would probably be considered ‘not male enough’ if I tried to get into male student housing, unless I lucked out and the administration was trans-friendly. It is NOT ok for me to be stuck in a catch-22 because I am both ‘too male’ and ‘not male enough’ at the same time.

It is most fucking definitely ok to be upset when someone says that they had hoped that my gender was ‘just a phase’.

It is ok for me to exist, even if my existence makes other people uncomfortable.

It is ok for me to feel sad and disappointed because this entire list is a response to real events and real concerns and things people actually said to me.

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